For many, Mother’s Day is a joyful occasion dedicated to family, but for others it can be a painful reminder of lost loved ones. Sadly, yesterday (May 9) was the first Mother’s Day that Desiree Lindstrom has spent without her fiancé, the late DMX. Lindstrom shares a child with the late rap icon, 4-year-old Exodus, and on Instagram she revealed that the two of them marked the holiday by visiting DMX’s gravesite.

“[Exodus] and I decided to go spend Mother’s Day with his daddy… Today is the first Mother’s Day with him being in heaven and not here with us! We miss him deeply and love him so very much!” she wrote.

“Without you [Exodus] I don’t know where I would be… You have given me so much joy and strength in moments that I needed it!” she added in another post. “I love you so much and I thank God for picking me to be your Mother… I will always protect you and be that strong mother that you need in your life! Words can not explain how thankful I am for you, I love you wubba… HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL THE MOTHERS OUT THERE…! GOD BLESS YALL.”

The next day, Lindstrom revealed that Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys invited her to spend Mother’s Day dinner with them.

“Yesterday was a very emotional day for me spending Mother’s Day without my fiancé,” she reflected on Monday (May 10). “But I have to thank [Swizz Beatz] and [Alicia Keys] for inviting me out for dinner last night. I’m very happy that I pushed myself to do so because it’s been so hard for me to do anything now a days. I just want to let y’all know I really appreciate it!”

Swizz, X’s longtime collaborator and close friend, has paid tribute to the late artist several times since his tragic passing. Recently, he sat down with Angie Martinez and pledged to keep X’s legacy alive.

See Lindstrom’s emotional Mother’s Day posts below.