Jada Pinkett-Smith's "Red Table Talk" series continues its winning streak of diving deep and pushing personal conversations forward.
During their conversation, the Beauty Marks singer opens up about her past relationship with Future, a subject that is both deeply personal and widely covered in the media. As fans can recall, the former couple ended their engagement in 2014, three months after their son Future was born.
"I remember one time I was working out on the elliptical machine and I was just not sure about do I stay or what direction do I go? What's the right thing to do? It's easy to do this, but is the easy thing the right thing?" Ciara says around the 5:30-minute mark, alluding to her engagement with Future but not mentioning the rapper by name.
The singer and entrepreneur then touches on how she took their son, who is now 5, on several trips as a way to both sit with her feelings and confirm that walking away from the relationship was the best decision for all parties involved.
"If I chose not to commit I was going to fall apart," she continues. "The one thing I will say is, I'm really afraid of losing myself. And I think if you sit in situations that are unhealthy or you let them linger too long you start to lose yourself. I don't like crying all the time. I don't like being sad. So I'm like, 'how do I get out of this? Because I like being happy.'"
Ciara also mentioned how she looked to her parents, Jackie and Carlton Harris, for examples of a healthy marriage.
"I grew up with my mom and dad being together. The idea of it being mommy and daddy that made baby," she explains. "Also, you're living your life in front of the world, so that adds a whole 'nother layer. I feel like I'm failing right now, they gon' roast me... I had to take a couple of times to figure it out, but my dad's love is what saved me in all my situations, because it would get to a point where I was like, my dad wouldn't do this to my mom. This can't be love. I've always had the same goal of wanting to be loved a certain way, but I was just walking in the wrong direction."
After her breakup with Future, she began dating Russell Wilson when her son was 10 months old. The two wed in July 2016 and welcome their daughter Sienna Princess in April 2017.
"It was different," she said, reflecting on what it was like to meet her now-husband, who is also her business partner. "I never had that feeling in my life. It was just like, it was calm. A different level of love."
Watch Ciara's appearance on "Red Table Talk" in full below.