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'I Guess' is Kathy Iandoli's battle cry of #shruglife. It's everything that impresses us and unimpresses us—which could be one in the same given the day.
Happy birthday to Kim Kardashian-West, who turned 38 yesterday (October 21). As a unique gift, Kanye West gave her a bunch of flowers that looked like purple hair. So yeah, that happened, and he serenaded her. After the year she's had, Kanye should have bought his wife a whole new house to hold all of those hair bouquets he got her.
For years, Kim has remained the sacrificial lamb of pop culture. Her trajectory has continuously fallen under the media's microscope over a sex tape from 2007 with Ray J. It's been 11 years, and Kim's had a slew of successful E! Network series, DASH boutiques, beauty lines ranging from makeup to fragrance, and apps on apps on apps -- including the ever popular Kimojis. These are all just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to every business Kim has her hands in. This past February, it was reported that she was worth $175 million, none of which was earned from lying beneath Ray J all of those years ago. It sounds so stale to even discuss it. But, it's an unfortunate footnote that plays in almost every conversation amongst Kardashian critics. That and this whole "Kanye West situation."
It's not news that the ongoing joke is that the Kardashian women, Kylie Jenner included, are known for ruining men's lives -- particularly black men -- though some will argue that Scott Disick has also been thoroughly dragged through the Calabasas mud his damn self. Kim is often charged with being the leader of this cultish man-destroying movement, with Kanye being touted as the most unfortunate inductee into her Hall of Dysfunctional Fame. And it's simply not true. There's not enough slides in PowerPoint to prove this — from bailing Ye out of his $53 million debt to even acknowledging their marriage in these streets, while he continues to unravel. It's an unraveling that predates even his years in Kim's friend zone. We know Kanye has always been this unhinged. We just needed someone to blame. It's time to leave that theory alone. And what's worse is that when rumors circulated over Kim potentially divorcing Kanye, we had the nerve to call her a quitter. What will it take to really leave Kim alone?
But wait, there's more…
Kodak Black tried shooting his shot at Kim over Instagram Live recently. All 21 years of him urged her to leave Kanye and get with a…hero? This came in conjunction with some insults thrown Kanye's way. But yeah, Kodak thinks he has a chance with Kim. And what's worse is that some Kodak fan somewhere thinks this relationship would be a good idea and some Kim hater is sitting there thinking he'd be doing her a favor. The world is such a twisted place.
And another thing…
Snoop Dogg decided to put on his gossip blogger hat and suggest that the "Kiki" that Drake references when he sings "Kiki, do you love me?" on "In My Feelings" is actually Kim Kardashian. Yeah. According to Snoop, Kim and Drake had sex. This isn't the first time this theory has been proposed, though when Perez Snoop Hilton reports on it, it becomes "bible," as Kim would say. It might be a morsel of the backstory of the insidious beef that has ruined Drake and Kanye's play cousin relationship, though using Kim as the pawn while two grown men whine is yet another example of how this woman can't catch a break.
If it sounds like I'm a Kardashian apologist, it's because I am! That's a joke. But, I truly don't care about how many surgeries it took for Kim to look that beautiful nor do I think her empire is powerful enough to ruin the psyches of all these men without already having their own innate fragility. I mean, she got Donald Trump to grant Alice Marie Johnson clemency, while her husband had lunch with the tangerine-tinted dictator and proceeded to rant about the pros of toxic masculinity. This isn't the "Sunken Place" that Kanye is living in. It's his own self-manufactured delirium with Kim and her family being mere accessories to that pattern of nonsense he's continuously been spraying across the world. Only now, we suddenly hate it because it isn't about George W. Bush or Taylor Swift.
All Kim's fault, right?
So, while we all can't afford flowers that look like severed heads of Animal from "The Muppets," let's give Kim the greatest birthday gift possible: A break from the blame game. Imagine being married to Kanye at this very moment. Like, seriously, think about it. Imagine having to defend his actions because if you turn your back on him, you'll be considered even more evil than if you stay and defend him. It's a horrendous cycle that may one day break or linger on for all of eternity, until they collectively break the internet once and for all. If you don't feel even an iota of pity for her after drumming up that visual, then you're seriously lacking emotions. Might I suggest listening to "In My Feelings"?
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